The Red and Black

Issue date: 8/9/07 Section: News

Media Credit: LINDY DUGGER Victoria Garrett, right, looks at her new student ID card while taking a break from Freshman Orientation with her parents Ron and Anne Marie in the Tate Center Plaza shade on Tuesday, July 24. [Click to enlarge]

As students attend Orient-ation, begin classes at the Unive-rsity for the first time or return to Athens after the summer, independent streaks run high and relations at home tend to go sour.

It's common for students and parents to enter into disagreements throughout adolescence, but tempers run especially high during the beginning of college years, according to a University psychologist.

"College is, in many respects, a rite of passage into adulthood in our culture," said Chuck Zanone, associate director and licensed psychologist with Counseling and Psychiatric Services. "Students are expected to become their own person, and conflict with parents is an inevitable part of this process."

He explained that as students develop greater independence during their academic careers, they need less input from parents but they will continue to rely on them for both support and guidance.

Conflicts pop up when families struggle with how involved the parents should be in the student's life, and to what extent the students should want or need that involvement.

"Generally speaking, arguments are about differences in expectations, values and priorities," Zanone said.

These arguments can involve anything but typically include finances, the use of time, grades and even the choice of a major or a career, he said.

"Early in their college career, students are adjusting on several levels - academically, socially, personally and emotionally - to a new environment and developing greater independence from their parents," Zanone said.

A common problem occurs when students return home during or after the first year and expect to have more privileges or fewer limitations than before, but parents expect that the same or similar rules will be followed.

Although these problems exist, there are ways to look at the relationship in a good light.

"The key to avoiding rifts in the parent-student relationship is for each to be clear about expectations and needs, to respect one another's values and needs and to look for mutually agreeable solutions where possible," he said. "Sometimes this means 'agreeing to disagree.'"

Zanone gave advice for keeping the relationship on the positive side all the time.

"Avoid being overly passive or aggressive, express your feelings and needs directly and be willing to acknowledge your mistakes," he said. "In healthy parent-student relationships, there is a give-and-take process that occurs in negotiating differences, characterized by mutual respect."

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