The Red and Black

Issue date: 11/16/07 Section: Opinions

ROBINNS EXUME

In the world of sports, rules are meant to maintain order on the playing field, help the players and the fans make sense of the action on the field and allow them to follow the action. As a life-long sports fan, I have seen the rise and fall of many athletes who seemed incapable of following the rules off the playing field, making them as big a threat off the field as they are on it.

I'll share some important advice with student athletes they may not learn at this University. There are five rules athletes should follow to stay out of trouble.

No. 5: When making it rain at a strip club, never bring firearms. Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones was suspended for a year by the NFL after various run-ins with the law, which included an alleged involvement in a shooting at a strip club. Jones has now pleaded no contest to the charges stemming from the incident at the strip club and has agreed to testify against his co-conspirators in an upcoming trial. Just in case you didn't know, "making it rain" means showering money over people, mainly strippers.

No. 4: Remember that fair competition is the only competition. Northern Colorado back-up punter Mitch Cozad has seven years to work his legs in prison after those same legs didn't win him the starting punter job for his school's football team.

Cozad stabbed the team's starting punter, Rafael Mendoza, in the leg in an attempt to get the starting job. It seems Cozad's motto is, "If you can't beat them, stab them."

No. 3: Never take up armed robbery as a hobby. Former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett allegedly robbed a man in an alley and was dumb enough to leave his face uncovered. During a suspected attempt to "silence" one of the eyewitnesses in the case, Clarett was stopped by the police, who found various firearms in his vehicle.

No. 2: Remember that you are not invincible - stay away from motorcycles. Last summer Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger almost died when he was hit by a car while riding a motorcycle. Roethlisberger was not wearing a helmet and sustained internal bleeding - fortunately, he made a full recovery and did not miss many football games. By comparison, "Big Ben" got off easy.

Cleveland Browns tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. missed an entire season after a motorcycle accident, and former Chicago Bulls point guard Jay Williams has missed three years of action after a motorcycle accident. If you need thrills, I heard "Halo 3 " is pretty fun.

No. 1: Stay away from guys nicknamed after gas stations. Quanis "QT" Phillips was one of the co-conspirators who not only helped run Michael Vick's illegal dog-fighting ring but also turned on him when the Feds threatened to lock him up. As some important advice, avoid guys nicknamed Chevron, Shell or BP.

Following these rules will help athletes sustain long and prosperous athletic careers, granted they steer clear of steroids, multiple baby mamas and other pitfalls.


- Robinns Exume is a sports staff writer for The Red & Black.

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