The Red and Black

Issue date: 12/1/08 Section: Opinions

VINCE HAMPTON

The way we smokers are treated and depicted, you'd think we were terrorists being funded by Osama Big Tobacco.

But don't let the camel on the pack fool you; there is no al-menthol network of smokers dedicated to killing innocent non-smokers.

My super-comprehensive research shows that more than 93 percent of smokers don't want to kill you with their second-hand smoke. We just want you to shut up.

Anti-smoking advocates seem to take our habit as a personal attack on their health. They argue, "Second-hand smoke causes cancer."

Get over it. Most everything causes cancer.

The sun causes cancer. Food causes cancer. Fun causes cancer. Even reading columns in The Red & Black causes cancer.

What doesn't cause cancer? I've seen no documented reports that "minding your own business" ever lead to any malignant growth. But if people weren't in smokers' faces telling us how to live, they wouldn't have to worry as much about second-hand smoke.

I, like many smokers, began smoking because I was drunk.

I'm not proud, but I am an adult who made a choice and I don't appreciate people telling me they know better than me what's good for my health and what's not.

Of course I know smoking is unhealthy - everyone does.

And we all know drinking alcohol doesn't do our bodies any favors.

Funny how I've been told so many times by drunks that I shouldn't be smoking because it's "sooo stuphid, that's jus' grrosss (burp)." Never mind if my critics are under 21, wasted, with a liver like Swiss cheese.

A couple weeks ago, a day was dedicated as "The Great American Smoke Out," which sounds more like a stoner holiday than a day about tobacco awareness.

Believe me, according to my ultra-scientific research, not one smoker stopped smoking that day. In fact, 50 percent of smokers ran out of cigarettes and bought another pack. It was just another day dedicated to making smokers feel bad about a habit that's already killing them.

As if that's not enough, these people are out to Camel Crush™ the little bit of happiness we smokers get out of our cigarettes. They know we like to smoke when we drink so you can't even smoke in a bar nowadays. C'mon, it's a BAR.

The suggestion is that we shouldn't offend the senses of those accustomed to the aroma of skunked beer, sweat and ungodly amounts of cologne and perfume.

Critics know we like to smoke after eating, so they take away smoking sections in restaurants.

They know we like to smoke when we wait, so you can't smoke in a doctor's office! Where does it end?!

It ends with us, so smokers arise! Don't accept put-downs and marginalization. If someone says you smell like a cigarette, say it's necessary to mask their BO. Then tell them they're full of BS and go on.

Look, no one wants to die of lung cancer, and many smokers - such as myself - are trying to quit.

I've quit more than 100 times this year.

I quit just 10 minutes ago to come in the Miller Learning Center and type this column.

However, quitting for good takes time, and when you've worked your way down from eight smokes a day to three, the last thing you need is someone telling you how dumb you are.

People need to lighten up (light up), and let smokers quit on their own terms, however many times they may need to.

- Vince Hampton is a staff writer for The Red & Black.

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