The Red and Black

Issue date: 3/17/09 Section: Opinions

MELANIE MCNEELY

To Whom It May Concern:

I'm writing concerning the job you haven't posted anywhere because you're on a hiring freeze.

However, I'm hoping you'll find it in your corporate heart to hire me fresh out of college anyway.

I know there are so many other people out there who need jobs at the moment, and most likely, they have much more experience than I do since I've been in school for the past 17 years.

But I promise I'm bright and energetic. I'll work really hard for your company if you'll please just give me a job.

What I'd really like is a pretty good starting salary, health/dental/eye insurance and several weeks per year of vacation time.

During my time at the University, I have become an expert at choosing outfits for themed parties, gained computer experience by creating a spreadsheet of drink specials for each night of the week and I've become fluent in international drinking.

My classes have prepared me for dealing with deadline pressures because I know that even if I put off a major project until the last minute, I am capable of completing the assignment in one night.

I also have attended a few club meetings. Oh, and I have a job to earn weekend spending money.

Most importantly, though, I studied abroad. I know everyone else did too, but my experience really was life-changing, and you should take that into consideration.

I know my GPA isn't that great - that's why I buried it at the bottom of my résumé. But you should note, I was able to get the HOPE Scholarship back after I lost it freshman year.

You see, the thing is, I made really good grades in high school so I could get into the University. Then when I got here, I decided to let loose and start having a little fun.

But if you hire me, I promise to give my best effort, and I'll be a pleasure to have in the office (just like my kindergarten teacher said).

I'm interested in your company because I think I would be able to work there without completely hating my life.

I've attached my résumé and portfolio for you to peruse. Hopefully you'll find something that strikes your fancy because I really don't want to move back home - I mean, I'm eager to start working for you.

When I haven't heard anything from you in approximately 10 days, I'll call and nag you until you are forced to reject me outright.

Also, if you've made it this far and really want it, I can send you a list of people who will say nice things about me.

Sincerely (I was told I absolutely must use this word to close my letter),

Your average Bulldog

- Melanie McNeely is a page designer for The Red & Black. She would like to reiterate to all prospective future employers that this letter does not represent her personal sentiments or experiences.

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