The Red and Black

Issue date: 4/3/09 Section: Opinions

SAMANTHA SHELTON

It's been all over the media since the Grammys. And after the stories were smeared on every magazine and the YouTube crime photo views are 1,798,477 and counting, Rihanna took Chris Brown back.

Rihanna is a public figure allowing anyone with a computer or television access to a voyeuristic view of her personal life. When a multi-platinum artist is abused by her boyfriend, she receives attention and open support from the media and industry. Figures such as Oprah and P. Diddy have offered advice to the pop star and online blogs acquire messages of sympathy and support from fans.

But what about the girl sitting next to you in your 8 a.m.? Who's giving her support? Where's the celebrity message to help get her out of an abusive relationship?

Well it's on a smaller scale, but it's out there.

First of all, abuse doesn't always require you to wear sunglasses in class or extra concealer. Emotional abuse frequents relationships more often than you might think, and usually is overlooked since it's harder to detect and doesn't come with a clear definition.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend punches you, it's obvious you were abused and charges should be pressed.

What about if your significant other is always criticizing or insulting you to the point that your self esteem plummets? Isn't that abuse too?

I think our society likes physical evidence to prove any case, and abuse is definitely one of them. We use images, such as the TMZ photo of Rihanna, to explain and identify abuse. But abuse isn't always defined by bruises and blood. Lack of physical evidence does not lift the obligation you have to yourself to get out.

I don't care if you are male or female, gay or straight ... if you are experiencing any form of abuse, physical or emotional, I want to encourage you to sever the relationship and speak up - which might be easier said than done once you've invested time and emotion into the relationship.

However, you must keep in mind that people who verbally or physically attack you are insecure. They want to control you so they have absolute power, ensuring you won't leave them.

And who would want a relationship with a mixture of Calvin from "Waiting" and Ari from "Entourage?" Well that's the creature you're keeping around if you tolerate the abuse.

Oprah says, "if he hits you once, he will hit you again," and I completely agree that once an abuser, always an abuser.

If he or she never hits you again, they will probably abuse you in another, equally harmful way … but why test a talk show host's theory with your life?

Hitting, slapping or any other form of physical abuse should be reported to authorities immediately. If you live with your abuser, or are in fear for your life, it can be challenging to report and seek legal action.

When Jennifer Lopez's character attempts to report her violent husband in the movie "Enough," she finds she could acquire only a restraining order and asks the officer, "What's that, a little piece of paper that says he can't come around .... and when he does come around, what am I supposed to do, throw it at him?"

You're not going to have police escort after reporting abuse, but that shouldn't defer you from telling someone. If you need a place to stay, look to friends and family, especially if they live in a dorm that is under surveillance and requires key-card entry.

If you are involved in an emotionally abusive relationship, or are unsure, the University's Counseling and Psychiatric Services program is located in the Health Center. Make an appointment to speak with a professional about it. Or if you would like to remain anonymous, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-779-SAFE, or visit its Web site, www.ndvh.org.

You only get one life to live, and you shouldn't be living it in fear or depression, especially if a significant other is causing these feelings.

- Samantha Shelton is a junior from Auburn majoring in newspapers.

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