The Red and Black

Issue date: 6/12/09 Section: Opinions

BRITTANY COFER [Click to enlarge]

Ladies, want to know the easiest way to tell if your new beau is the kind of guy you can bring home to mom?

See if he is willing to give up his seat on the bus.

Although it might seem trivial, you can tell a lot about a person by that act alone.

Somewhere along the line our generation missed the memo on manners and it's showing up in a big way - and not just in the dating arena. For some reason, it is no longer expected for the man to open doors, give up his seat or sometimes even pay for the date.

Both men and women text nonstop during almost all social situations - class, work, dates, nights out with friends, you name it.

Call me old-fashioned, but the quickest way to my heart is someone who will go out of his way for me. That includes (but is not limited to) showing up with flowers, opening doors, keeping your phone in your pocket, paying for dinner or the movie or whatever it is we're doing, and, yes, giving up your seat on the bus.

At my 5'1" it can be pretty difficult to remain upright on a crowded bus when the overhead handlebars are just out of reach. And of the dozens of times I have been in that situation, I can count on one hand the number of times a seat was offered up to me.

I understand it's not realistic to expect every man to give up his seat when he sees a woman without one on the bus. In fact, I've watched plenty of times as a seat has been offered, only for the woman to look back, confused, and decline the gesture, saying, "Oh, no, it's OK."

To a certain extent, we women have gotten used to the lack of chivalry exhibited by modern men, and in turn are befuddled when a man shows us a simple act of kindness.

When I began dating my ex-boyfriend, it took me months to get used to him opening doors for me. My initial thought was 'I can do that on my own,' but eventually I realized it was his way of showing he cared.

I remember once standing, squashed in the back of an Athens Transit bus, and I looked up to see a woman on crutches standing near the drivers seat. Not one person - male nor female - gave up their seat for her. She was on crutches and nobody would part with their seat so she could semi-comfortably sit for the 10 to 15 minutes it took to get from the apartment complex to the Tate Center.

However, when it comes to giving up a seat or holding open a door, the job doesn't fall solely on men. It's more a common courtesy, an everyday act of kindness, to help out someone you see in need.

If you were on crutches you'd want someone to give you their seat, right?

I hate to think what our parents or grandparents would say if they saw the manners, or lack thereof, many of us exhibit on an everyday basis.

This is the South. There is a reason we're known for our hospitality.

So let's stop watching as people with books, purses, huge science projects or fussy umbrellas struggle to stay standing on a crowded bus. Let's remember to open doors - or hold them open - for people when they are close by.

Let's do as our parents taught and say "please," "thank you," "yes and no sir/ma'am."

And to the men, show up with flowers, open her door and pay for the date - I can almost guarantee you she'll think much more highly of you, no matter how the rest of it goes.

- Brittany Cofer is the managing editor of The Red & Black.

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