The Red and Black

Issue date: 7/3/09 Section: Opinions

BRITTANY COFER [Click to enlarge]

My name is Brittany Cofer. I'm almost 23 years old. And I'm single.

Why is it a nearly 23-year-old female has to feel like a member of some support group when she proclaims her state of singularity?

I, for one, feel it is nothing to be ashamed of. Being single right now is a breath of fresh air after a long period of time when I hung out with someone else's friends, did things someone else wanted to do and put someone else's wants and needs ahead of my own.

This is my time to be selfish, to be reckless, to just have fun.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great if you're my age and you've found the person you feel you can spend the rest of your life with.

I'm just not there yet.

I still have mistakes to make. I still have places to go, people to meet, stories to accumulate.

I don't understand what the big rush is to don a white dress and walk down the aisle.

I know people who have hard fast rules for themselves: married by 25, kids by 27 - but where is the fun in that? As a person who has it in her nature to want to plan everything and know exactly when things are going to happen, I can tell you there are some things you just can't plan out.

And being single isn't such a bad thing. I'm realizing there are some serious upsides to not being tied down.

I used to hang out with my ex-boyfriend's friends and not my own. Now I have my own set of friends to do things with - things I want to do. (Forgive me men, but my idea of a fun Saturday night isn't watching whatever pro-sports league draft is on TV.)

I've reconnected with old friends (i.e. former boyfriends) whom I could not have had friendships with when I was in a serious relationship. And I'm not blowing off my girl friends to sit at home with the same guy night after night.

Again, that's not always such a bad thing. When you're in a good relationship with someone you really care about it's natural to have blinders on and want to spend all your time with that person. But in my newfound singledom, I'm realizing there should be more of a balance when I enter my next relationship.

When you're single, the issue of money suddenly isn't as much of an issue. Instead of worrying about whose turn it is to pick up the bill, you realize you can get a meal and a few drinks for the same price. Jackpot.

But seriously, being single isn't some sort of disease. It doesn't just afflict lonely, unfortunate souls. For some of us, it's a transitional period.

It's a chance to get to know yourself, to figure out your likes and dislikes. And, for once in your life, to be as selfish as you want to be and not feel guilty.

I plan to stay single for a bit, but when I do decide to jump back into the realm of coupledom, I think I will be a much better person - and a much better girlfriend - because of the time I'm spending now figuring out what I actually want from a relationship.

- Brittany Cofer is the managing editor of The Red & Black.

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