Spring Break
Sex in the Classic City: Stringless relationships do not last long
JOURDANA PASSARO
Issue date: 11/6/09 Section: Opinions
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Sure, there's no commitment, no strings attached and fun times. But is that the kind of relationship anyone really desires?
I know people who have an extremely difficult time being "just friends" with the opposite sex … the friendship always turns out to have sexual benefits.
A few weeks ago, a friend and I started talking about these "relationships." She told me what she thought about the topic, and I found that I mostly agreed with her.
Generally speaking, in the beginning of a benefit-induced relationship, everything is fine. There is a mutual understanding of what is expected, and the friendship is completely physical.
I don't feel that being completely physical is a good foundation for any relationship, but typically that's what defines "friends with benefits."
There is little obligation to the other party and everything is exhilarating and new.
However, after a while, one individual begins developing a desire for more commitment ... or at least a few boundaries.
My friend and I came to the conclusion that, eventually, one person decides they want more "strings" in the friendship.
They want a relationship.
They want to be exclusive.
In more traditional relationships, there's an expected level of exclusivity and trust.
Friends with benefits are basically open relationships in which each companion can have other partners and be unfaithful without the guilt.
Consequently, each partner is susceptible to sexually-transmitted infections and jealousy.
Although this carefree style of dating - or just sleeping together - may seem the perfect way to "have your cake and eat it too," feelings inevitably get hurt.
If one individual wants to be exclusive and the other doesn't, nothing can be done to keep that person from seeing other people. They are "allowed" to see other partners, and jealousy usually overwhelms the one who wants an exclusive relationship.
The only thing that comes from being friends with benefits, other than potential STIs, is complete confusion. Once the benefits begin to fade because of altered feelings, the friendship begins to fade as well.
It is difficult to be "just friends" after such an intimate relationship. My friend and I agreed that it would be an extremely awkward situation, especially if you picked your "friend" up in class and are forced to see them weekly.
Being "just friends" is a step back from the sexual structure both parties had originally designed. Even if friendship is all both people desire, jealousy may still arise when one individual sees the previous partner with a new love interest.
The most troubling aspects of these limited-commitment bonds are the complete and unpredictable feelings your "friend" might be developing.
There isn't a concrete way to anticipate the possible detour to exclusiveness, and this usually complicates the entire carefree situation originally constructed.
Friends with benefits may be acceptable for some people, but it's not for most. One person eventually wants the typical relationship that revolves around monogamy and relational security.
- Jourdana Passaro is a junior from St. Marys, Ga., majoring in risk management and insurance and magazines.
